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Optimist or Pessimist

 

Listened to this jap song and its pretty neat:

“A word to my friends.”

That light which flickers

far off in the distance ‘

It just might lead you

out of here someday”

A crumbling afternoon intersection ‘

I see a flock of birds without wings”

Striving to survive ‘

Still unaware of what they are”

Wings burned by the sun ‘

They can’t even fly but

They all have one ambition”

I wanna fly and keep flying ‘

A word to my friends”

Living on the wild side “

What does it mean to live as yourself? ‘

Breaking free from

the shell that holds you “

Breaking free from

the shell that holds you ‘

With every season

comes a new self-discovery ‘

With every season

comes a new self-discovery ‘

I wanna change and keep changing

I wanna change. I wanna change, change

 

Honestly, I want to change myself, my personality. I don’t know whether I do have a personality or not but if I really do have one, it sucks. I see people with ambitions struggling to achieve them but me? I am not even trying to achieve something. I laze around watching optimists trying hard to be a famous something. They sucks, I watched ambitious people with ideas all around but they wont even be what they wanted to be. I kept wondering how do these people kept being so optimist, it isn’t fair to be a clerk when you dreamt of an architect, it isn’t fair to be a cashier when you tried hard to be an engineer. A friend of mine always wanted to be a motivator and is still a frigging salesman. The outcome isn’t close to fair, if you think you’re good, there’s still people who are better than you, a billion of them. But these people who pursued their dream still get better income than a jobless guy like me : but still, its not their dream that they are living. I’d really hate myself if Im in their shoes. Being a pessimist is considered negative, but on the other hand it is quite the correct way to live. I imagine an optimist is like a mad scientist in cartoons: they mixes the chemicals and there will be two outcome: something good, bar of gold perhaps; or a the whole thing is gonna blow up in his face. In real life, the mixtures prolly aint gona explode and if it does he wont be able to make the clueless face. He’d die 100:1. A gambling happy go lucky. On the other hand, the pessimist is like the intelligence in an army: you always have a fallback plan. You win, and if you don’t win, you get to wipe most of the enemies, or lose only some of your army, You don’t die trying if you know what I mean.

Summed up, I’m afraid of failing. Failure rates are high it still feels like suicide. But my time isn’t enough to wait. Im in dilemma. Did I just see optimists having their job the honest way all the time and trying to convert to optimism? Guess I am. Shame on me for complaining all the time thank you for reading


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Running Naked With Scissors

Blogging is fun no doubt about it.  And WordPress makes it more fun with all the cool stuff that you can do with your blog.  The possibilities are endless. You can write about whatever you want, be as open or anonymous as you want, change your name, make yourself a super hero, chat with people from countries whose name you can;t pronounce, make friends with amazing people whom you probably never would even have bumped into in a crowded anywhere….endless…

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Failure, a big one

Hello, im very down today. The results of the carry mark has just been released. Excitedly, i went to check mine. Ignoring the annoyingly low marks on English marks i received last week tho i PERFECTLY knew i deserved better marks on it. Im really against my English lecturer. How can I get 54\70 when i am the most active student in the class. When she asked for volunteers to read for the class in most of her classes, none but me volunteered to do so. Those bloody classmates are just too dumb to say or do anything! And I dare say that I achieved the highest in the tests and quizzes. I expected a near perfect grade like a 66+. And to top my temper, a girl, got higher marks than me. Be it a 0.5 marks more but she still got more. Her unsmiling face, her unfriendly attitude, her you-are-no-match-for-me looks, ugh i hate everything about her. Shes hardworking, yes but not close to active. She just watched darkly at the back in every classes.The lecturer knew i hates her. Her cunning and evil brains got me into this. She is just pure evil. This girl is nothing in the class ,nothing. IT IS NOT FAIR.

Hoping to repair it all with my math marks,  I hopefully pushed through the crowds to take a peek at the result board. But what i saw really disappoints me

Shinokas: etc | etc | etc | carry mark :25\40

How can this be. I know I never scored perfectly in the tests. I deserved this. But secretly i hoped it was a whole lot better so I get to reclaim my English marks. I aint expecting perfect marks from the other subjects. Im just doing so-so with the other subjects. Using my bad math i already knew i will never scored a 3.5 if  IF I dont scored perfectly in my final papers. But im not my old self, I dont want to be like everyone anymore. I wanted to be someone. Someone who achieved higher. Someone who are respected above the others. As I call it

KING

Im officially a WordPresser now hey. It feels so much different blogging here than in my old blog cos I always felt so insecured posting things in my old blog. They’re irritating,those cyberstalkers: they’ll stalk till you drop and its VERY hard to shake them off.

But nvm, time to start from scratch again. I hope i can reach 20 posts by next year. Im very slow you see? It took me about a week to post something on the web  but i promise you i’ll entertain you as much as I can readers >:9 My dad blogs too so i wont lose to him. I learned so much by reading his blog eventho most of them are of the adults interests (business, families, his interests, etc.) and idt any of them mentioned me 😐 I think its maybe because i am being a very typical boring son or maybe its because he too, blogs anonymously. Like father like son right? I saw my aunties (his sisters)and his friends commented on his posts, that means he blogs UNDER their very own noses lol. They were asking ‘who are you?’ all the time hey. Isnt that cool?;) hope my friends too will read my blog and asks who i am. I think its time i gtg. Its getting late. Will write more later k?

Love,

Shinokas