Listened to this jap song and its pretty neat:
“A word to my friends.”
That light which flickers
far off in the distance ‘
It just might lead you
out of here someday”
A crumbling afternoon intersection ‘
I see a flock of birds without wings”
Striving to survive ‘
Still unaware of what they are”
Wings burned by the sun ‘
They can’t even fly but
They all have one ambition”
I wanna fly and keep flying ‘
A word to my friends”
Living on the wild side “
What does it mean to live as yourself? ‘
Breaking free from
the shell that holds you “
Breaking free from
the shell that holds you ‘
With every season
comes a new self-discovery ‘
With every season
comes a new self-discovery ‘
I wanna change and keep changing
I wanna change. I wanna change, change
Honestly, I want to change myself, my personality. I don’t know whether I do have a personality or not but if I really do have one, it sucks. I see people with ambitions struggling to achieve them but me? I am not even trying to achieve something. I laze around watching optimists trying hard to be a famous something. They sucks, I watched ambitious people with ideas all around but they wont even be what they wanted to be. I kept wondering how do these people kept being so optimist, it isn’t fair to be a clerk when you dreamt of an architect, it isn’t fair to be a cashier when you tried hard to be an engineer. A friend of mine always wanted to be a motivator and is still a frigging salesman. The outcome isn’t close to fair, if you think you’re good, there’s still people who are better than you, a billion of them. But these people who pursued their dream still get better income than a jobless guy like me : but still, its not their dream that they are living. I’d really hate myself if Im in their shoes. Being a pessimist is considered negative, but on the other hand it is quite the correct way to live. I imagine an optimist is like a mad scientist in cartoons: they mixes the chemicals and there will be two outcome: something good, bar of gold perhaps; or a the whole thing is gonna blow up in his face. In real life, the mixtures prolly aint gona explode and if it does he wont be able to make the clueless face. He’d die 100:1. A gambling happy go lucky. On the other hand, the pessimist is like the intelligence in an army: you always have a fallback plan. You win, and if you don’t win, you get to wipe most of the enemies, or lose only some of your army, You don’t die trying if you know what I mean.
Summed up, I’m afraid of failing. Failure rates are high it still feels like suicide. But my time isn’t enough to wait. Im in dilemma. Did I just see optimists having their job the honest way all the time and trying to convert to optimism? Guess I am. Shame on me for complaining all the time thank you for reading